Cracklins & Juicing

By this point I am assuming you have read my last installments of this little wedding we had 9 days ago. If you have you know that  both were about me crying in wedding dresses. Crying over sample sizes or a lack of paper airplanes. Rest assured, I do not cry in a wedding dress in this story. I do not cry at all. This is about my 24 hour breakfast, lunch, and dinner of a champion bride. (From this point forward I shall refer to myself as “champion bride” because quite frankly after writing about my dramatic breakdowns in dresses, I deserve to refer to myself as such.)

I decided about a week out that I would do some juicing. I may be the only bride in the history that uttered, “After the wedding, I will start working out again.” Since Ben and I started dating, I have gained about 20 pounds. Happiness is a beast for one’s waistline. So the juicing…I decided to start juicing as i didn’t want any type of bloating when I zipped up that dress. I drank 2 juices a day and attempted to avoid a lot of salt or breads. So we get to the rehearsal dinner…but first lets back up.

I get one craving most of the time. One single thing that I crave. When I get a strong craving it is for one thing these days. That one thing is cracklins. I want cracklins in the morning. Cracklins at lunch. Cracklins in the evening. I truly believe I could sustain my life on cracklins alone. I have faced some resistance from my digestive system, but I persevere.

So I walk into my betrothed’s parents house to see this…

cracklinsJuicing be darned, I was about to chow down on some friend, salty, piggy parts and love every minute of it.

It wasn’t till about midnight that I started begging the universe, “Please let my dress zip. Please let me dress zip.” I woke up and chugged a glass of kale and pineapple juice hoping that it would help. Then I ate two handfuls of cracklins. I was a hopeless champion bride. Hopeless…but the dress zipped and the wedding day forged ahead.

That’s really the whole story. The previous 368 words were really just my ode to a platter of salty, piggy parts called cracklins. You are welcome. If you are a fast reader you can never get the past 3 minutes back, if you’re a slow reader than, I am really sorry about the 10 minutes you can never get back, but there is a lesson in here.

Lesson to champion brides everywhere: Cracklins, contain no calories and are pretty much equivalent to eating celery. They have no affect on belly size…I don’t care what anyone else says. Eat what makes you happy. Your wedding day is all about setting the stage of bliss, and I can’t think of anything more blissful than cracklins.

Stay tuned, super serious post coming soon over at We Three Kids. (please note that as of August 10, 2014 this post is not up yet…this is for you “Linda with an L.” Give me a chance to write it.”

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